Whatever am I doing with my life?

You see, I've heard so much about how people were regretting on how they didn't start something earlier. On how they wished they should have done so and so when they had the chance... on how they longingly wished they could start everything all over again.

And then right there, when it was 3 AM, as I prepared to sleep - seeing as I had to be in office later by 9 - I began to ponder the above question: whatever am I doing with my life anyway?

I'm in my early twenties now. Like a lot of people my age, I have graduated, and is now living in one of the most uncertain period of my life - the moment to decide whether we'll make it or break it. Majority of my then coursemates are seeking employment right now - and as for me, I've gotten a part time while I wait to resume my study in Master level.

So it's pretty much 9-5 life for me now before the offer comes, and yet I feel... that there is something not right here. What is it, I wonder...?

The answers seems to point out that it is partly because I still can't grasp on what the future holds for me... at least, in the near future.

I've come to the realization that I'm actually not too ambitious. It's pretty hard to excite me with the usual stuff that most people are crazy about - sports, cars, skirt chasing (figuratively), games, intoxication (except maybe ones involving knowledge... whatever that is). Not to say I've settled down on being apathetic and take whatever comes my way - it's just that, it's the little things in life that makes me happy. Like coming across some brilliant perspectives written by fellow netizens, making me smile at the fact that there are others of the same wavelength as I am. Or reading a damn good book that I have come to read it over and over. Or listening to some good music that it just made me to sit down and really listen. Or just some late night chat with people, discussing on everything and nothing at the same time. Or just getting my hands occupied preparing for some events, picking up some new knowlege which I would otherwise not be aware of.

Simple minded as I may appear to - not getting myself into what others are immersing themselves with, and just taking my sweet time with those small things - I'm actually anything but, seeing as I also come to ponder on things in a long, drawn out manner (such as now).

The thing is, I've realized how fleeting and transient our lives truly are. Heck, I could be gone the next few days after I wrote this for all we know. Which is why I've set some of my key philosophy of life as: live without regrets; and, I saw an opportunity and I seized it.

Like I said, I don't have too big a dream such as having big houses, big cars, girls with big assets (ehem ehem), big Spear The Gungnir (ehem ehem ehem), or big whatever. It's things like immersion into different perspectives, point of views, and ideas which I am really into - which comes at a bit of oddity, since I'm not much of a social magnet, nor an intrepid traveler. Still, when I do set out, I try to stick to those philosophies as much as I could.

I could lament the fact that I haven't done a lot of the things I've just gotten myself into way back... but on the bright side, at least I'm not in my 40s, with a midlife crisis. Or to take it even further, things could turn out much differently, and I could be a lichen living at the frigid icyness of the Artics, or some deep sea monster which the world never so much as know my existence, and I would not have all the aspirations and dreams.

As much my inner voice reflects an old man, rejecting a lot of things around me, the fact is I have just barely start to scratch the surface. There's so much to do, and so little time. So let me sum all this up with the brilliant saying: Carpe diem.

I am planning to watch this movie later, at the urging of my friend that it is mighty good