Till when?

I always wondered when is it that you have to stop the things that you enjoy doing and declare, 'I'm too old for this'?

I see it as a tie between these two answers:

'When you're tied down with responsibilities'

;and

'When you don't find that you enjoy it as you used to'

This song is here just to I could use the blog title post... and vice versa

Long-suffering

I consider myself as being long-suffering.

I'm somewhat not keen on grand things. I don't believe in getting something without some sort of struggling or working. I'm not straightforward, preferring to take a path that winds up here and there before arriving to the destination. I can take beatings without any complaint.

With that being said, I'm somewhat comfortable with routine things, and is somewhat reluctant for changes. But on a long run, I don't like being too comfortable for too long. I need some sort of challenges. Something to work myself off; something to keep me occupied. I actually don't think a 'perfect' life is actually attainable.

And yet at the same time, at my own pace.

Ah, what the hell. I'm a masochist (albeit not in a conventional way the word is usually referred to).

I'm sorry

I lied. And I've become the spitting image of... a person whom I don't understand.

What have I become?

I can't keep up with this bullshit anymore. Because the truth is, I've let myself being held back by that nagging thought. In actuality, I'm pretty much all right with my current situation - I don't have any major sickness, say; or family problem; or financial ones - but this one dissatisfaction and angst have left me all strung up and in a disarray.

And I've taken the frustration out to someone else in that one moment. Say what I want, but I am not going to be a faggot and say 'tsch tsch, t'was a brief moment of madness, whoops'. Because that's not how it should be. It's more complicated; there's a lot factor underpinning it. And I am indeed an idiot for not solving the problem head on.

"Misunderstanding is deadly for a friendship" - says a certain he. Amen to that bro. And I'm going to do my part to clear that up. Because it ain't been doing no one any good, no.

In short: I'm sorry for being an idiot and making things more complicated than it is. I have become bad guy.

I'm sorry.

Filler

After a while, you're afraid a lot less.

Enjoy this Friday everyone. Going back to home after being away for 3 months.

I think I've kinda lost the mood to write short thoughts here at the moment. The daily chores have dulled my mind.

Time to challenge myself and do something new. AND BE AWESOME.

Honestly

Why the fuck am I still writing here and there?

When I started, it was to be something for me to practice my skill for what I perceive as academic skill. But then I decided to cast that aside and write on the things that excites me, things that I am deeply interested. And somewhere in the middle, the multitude of rants and rambles.

So what of it now?

I don't think any of my writing strikes as those which are deeply thought. Or maybe the opposite is actually true. I mean, why else would I read articles that starts with 'this is wordy', and I find it to be rather a moderate reading?

Readers are mysterious. Who the fuck knows what they're thinking? Or if they even bother to read whatever you write in the first place?

The thing is. I know a lot of people. A lot of people who are more eloquent at expressing their thoughts, and those who have a much more interesting perspective of the world. And thus, it's a great shame that they abandon their writing halfway, or even worse, they never actually go on to write properly (besides the small musing here and there on social websites)


So why am I still writing? I have no idea. It has become somewhat like a second nature to me, after reading. Because reading makes me think. And when I think, I want to write them down so that I could reflect on my thoughts.

One day, when I die and all, these thoughts of mine will be there to see (assuming the site make it that long). And to those who are reading it at that time:

Fuck you.

Some random (quasi) philosphical musing again

It might be obvious from some of my last few ramblings, but I'm interested - or, you could even say, obsessed - with the whole notion of how transient the human life is.

That is of course not saying much, since I'm more or less still stuck with some necessary chores and obligation for this short lifetime of mine. But at the very least, I try to stick by to the principle of Carpe Diem - seize the day - as much as I can. Live with no regrets, and all that.

And somewhat at the same time, I've begin to develop an interest in the philosophy of existentialism. Again, this isn't saying much, but it does seems to me a philosophy which strikes closer to home for men as opposed to nihilism (although it does seems those two are closely related).

I don't understand many many MANY of the things in this world (even the simpler ones - especially real time events and 'common senses'), but I'm keeping an open mind. I like to think - except that it somewhat take a toll in those little 'everyday' stuff which most people would take as self evident. But it's all right, I'll persevere.

Talking (or more to the point, listening) to people excites me, how they relate their stories, experiences, point of views.

Somewhere out there, there are actually a lot of people who shares your thoughts and views. The question is how to find them, and when you do, how to relate everything to a bigger picture.

In the meantime, I'll keep on writing. And thinking. These somewhat drives me forward. I can't afford to let myself stagnate - I refuse to. And be it may that it turns off other people, or if they find it barely comprehensible, but this is my way.

Quasi philosophical musing again. Think. Write. Reflect. Act. Seize the day.

Gosh.

Some people

You know, I just had a realization that I have not known (intimately) too many homosexuals throughout my short period in life.

Though curiously, my first encounter with a (closet?) homosexuals was about ten or so years ago, when I know of this one classmate who wrote about how he's always thinking of this one other guy (who is also a classmate).


I made this point to mention on those homosexuals who went on with their life quietly, without causing an uproar ala those celebrities (I'm sure you could think of a few). I don't exactly claim myself totally open on this subject, but I'm somewhat curious what goes on in their life:

When did they came to realize this? Were they open about it? If so, was the rejection severe? Did the fact was disclosed to family members?

'cause lets be honest, no matter how open a society is, these guys (and gals) get to be the subject of jokes and laughing stock among the straights.

This is not meant to incite an uproar; I'm merely pondering on it, is all.

Suddenly, for no reason at all

It all begins with a 'once upon a time'

But I'll talk more about it later. On the subject of being open minded, and of communication.


In the short period of blogging, I've gone from random topic recapper to quasi-reviewer to ranter to pseudo-philosophical rambler. Not sure where things will go on from this point, but I'll persist.

And yes, I know I think a lot - sometimes even more than what is usually needed for the situation, ahah.

Post... whatever

I play on the word, heh


1) I wonder if anyone else ever had those excitement level building up for a certain something (can be a person, an object, an event, or whatever), only to later revert back to the old mundane everyday live, looking forward for the next chance to break free, to... make a difference in everyday's life, if you wanna call it that.

Maybe it's those little things which really makes me happy. Then again, something is bound to be seized from all those 'mundane' days. Little things, isn't it...

I don't really know what I'm talking there.


2) Not feeling up for some coherent writing here (well, that doesn't really matter), or the other place (also doesn't really matter, although I am somewhat forcing myself to do some [coherent] writing there, least my mind dulls and slips into stagnancy), and when I do write, they tend to be these kind of writing (here and there).

Anyway, got some sort of creativity spark going on, so expect something to be up there.

To see, or to hear?

Do you believe what you see?

Or do you believe in what you hear?

The question came when I was struck with the hypothetical situation of 'would you rather be blind or deaf?'

They say 'seeing is believing'; in my opinion, this statement holds true, as most of us are more content with believing in what we hear rather than confirming the so-called fact with our own eyes.

Perhaps that's why they call it 'the blind leading the blind' rather than 'the deaf leading the deaf', seeing as the power of sight holds a greater power than hearing. And which is perhaps why you hear more of the cry 'listen to me!' rather than 'look at me!' - to hear is easier, as we Malay say, 'masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri' (rough equivalent translation would... hear it once, forget it next). It doesn't carry on the extra baggage needed in ascertaining a fact with your own eyes, which would then get your mind to work in putting all the pieces together, like.


By the way, I love Rumia more than Mystia. Just sayin'~